Saturday, June 15, 2019

Father's Day 2019


On Father's day I fondly recall the many things my dad taught his three children like how to catch fish, the value of hard work and the joy of learning to do things ourselves. He was big on discipline like postponing gratification and held up the importance of an enduring faith. As a Sunday School Teacher he brought the Bible to life with his well-prepared lessons.

It was during the early sixties he seated a person in the front rows at our church, someone who by policy was only allowed to sit at the back of the congregation. Dad disregarded tradition one Sunday morning when he served as an usher and for a time, we were not welcome at that church. He carried on anyway, teaching the Bible in our living room every Sunday morning until that preacher left for another church in the Deep South. Times were different back then.
The Only Church in Town
Dad was a great story teller and shared many of the stories about his own father who was born in 1880, who raised six children as a single parent while working on the railroad as a mail-carrier and who later worked as a sharecropper.


Stern and strict at times, Dad believed that "sparing the rod" spoiled the child. But he also could be funny and witty. He was a good singer and liked to play the guitar and sing, "You are My Sunshine" and "Red River Valley."



He had a great smile and an enduring love for animals. He taught us that all life was valuable. I'm grateful that he stuck around to raise us after a trial separation before I was born. My older sister and brother were small children when Mom moved back home to Grandmother's house in Texas. He followed his own father's advice and did the right thing staying around to see the children he brought into the world all graduate high school and leave home before he and Mom parted ways.


He's been gone from this world since 2005 but I will always remember him fondly and often replay in my head that last time he told me, "I love you, my darling."

Thursday, January 17, 2019

Easy Crock Pot Pork Roast

Looking for an economical, easy, delicious way to feed the family? This meal cooks while you're doing other things and can be served many ways.

It's easy to prepare pulled pork roast for sandwiches or burritos. Slice off a 1 - 1 1/2 inch portion of the cooked roast and use two forks to shred the meat. Serve with shredded cheese, sour cream, diced tomatoes on a warmed tortilla or sandwich bun.


Choose a nice, lean sirloin tip pork roast like the ones from Costco priced about $16.00 for a 4-pack. Each roast makes a nice family meal for around $4.00. Use one fresh and freeze the other three for future meals. Add some rice, corn, potato or a salad and you've got a hearty meal.

Instructions:
Season the outside of the roast with garlic salt, paprika, black pepper or any dry rub or spices you like. Lightly brown the outside edges of the roast in a heated frying pan with some olive oil and minced garlic.

Brown the outside edges to seal in the flavor.
It only takes about a minute to brown the top and a minute on the bottom.

Use kitchen tongs to brown the sides and ends of the roast to seal in the flavors.

Use tongs to hold the roast and brown the edges.
Transfer the browned roast into the crock pot. Turn it on High. Add about 1/2 cup of water to the frying pan to make a seasoned liquid and pour it over the roast in the Crock Pot.


Cover and cook the roast on High for 5 to 6 hours. During the last hour reduce the heat to Low. Or cook the roast on Low for 7 to 8 hours while you're away.



Pulled pork burritos are a big hit with our family. Other times, this entree goes well with corn on the cob and a salad.
Pulled Pork Burrito with Corn on the Cob
Served on sandwich buns it makes a delicious barbecue pork sandwich. Or use cubed chunks of leftover pork roast to make pork fried rice. Easy, economical, and delicious, this meal will delight your family and fill your hearty appetite with very little effort.

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

The Carriage Driver 2 - Book Review



This imaginative collection of short stories offers the reader a hopeful glimpse into the transition after death. Mike Friedman, creator of the Emerald Wells CafĂ© series, The Quinn Moosebroker Mysteries and Braids - Angel’s Field is an award-winning fiction writer and artist.
The Carriage Driver2 is the second release in a collection of stories about the afterlife. Rich in detail and empathy, the characters include a variety of people, some who’ve experienced a continuous struggle for survival and others who seem to have had it all.
Their next journey after they meet their inevitable fate begins with a ride in a beautiful horse-drawn carriage pulled by a white steed. Once their name appears in the book, the dearly departed are asked to decide on a destination where they wish to go. During the ride, questions are asked and answered, options are offered and life begins anew with an infinite number of possibilities based on their tastes, talents and deepest desires.
Knocking on Heaven's Door


The Weathervane is a favorite from this collection in which an elderly woman is living in a rest home when she begins her journey after a few brief moments to decide where she wants to begin spending eternity.
As she steps out of the carriage, she’s transformed into the younger self that has resided for years only within her memories. She finds herself wearing a favorite floral print summer dress, standing on a beach with swaying palms, warm tropical breezes and the familiar cries of drifting sea gulls. There she reunites with and is wrapped in the loving arms of her long since dearly departed husband where, once again, they share a world of their former happiness. It’s a story that gives the surviving family hope that their loved one spends future days in true care-free bliss.
The Gutter Boy's main character, Dylan finds that life isn’t always filled with abuse and disrespect after he meets two kind doctors, a husband and wife team. He discovers that his time to move into the next world has not yet arrived, experiencing only a change in his circumstance through which he’s destined to lead a richer way of life and repay his debt with future acts of kindness.
Many other stories are included in the collection with each story offering subtle clues about life lessons. Each character has a chance to interact with Captain Griffin Chaffey, a veteran of the War Between the States who, after losing his own life, remained in the battlefield to help others find their way onward. He accepts his assignments cheerfully accompanied by Nuelle, a white horse whose intuition and spirit shines throughout as she munches on shared apples and trots to their destinations. Sometimes, she enjoys a romp in the surf as part of her reward for a job well done. Other times, she must face the uncertainties of strange and frightening places where darkness and despair lurk.

The Man Unseen introduces a young man whose difficulties began early in life. The victim of school chums who taunted and took advantage of the special needs child, his troubles are multiplied when his mother passes away and he's cheated out of his rightful home. He lives out his remaining days on the street in constant peril, yet his wisdom shines when he shares his observations with Captain Chaney.

"There ought to be rules for men to live by," he remarks. It comes as no surprise that he chooses an afterlife of spreading generosity toward others who suffer as he once did.


In Sister Sarah's Miracle we meet Sister Sarah, an empathetic and generous worker of miracles whose hands-on ministry is directed toward the less fortunate. In the story, she visits a young girl, a cancer victim who resides in Mass General Hospital.
Sister Sarah gives of herself to the point of depleting her supply of healing power. When she meets Captain Griffin, her strength returns and she is able to continue her valuable work on this earth. Fortunately, The Carriage Driver and Nuelle know how to keep a secret.
Nuelle and the captain operate their carriage out of Boston, but the reader is assured that across all cities, towns, boroughs and villages, others carry on the same legacy driving the recently deceased to their choice destination where they begin the next life. Or, if they choose to wait for a spouse, a child or a loved one, “there is a castle in the sky whose spires puncture Heaven to accommodate them.”
These heartwarming tales lend to second and third readings with revisits inspired by the depth of the subtleties of deeper meaning within. Great for late-night reading when the troubles of the world interrupt the peace and quiet of sleep, these stories restore a sense of calm in a world of turmoil.
As a bonus, the book contains a short stand-alone story titled, “Walking to Goleta,” a tale of companionship, compassion, generosity, ingenuity, and a heartwarming miracle in a Christmas setting.
The Carriage Driver is your liaison to the heaven of your own choosing.” Don’t be fooled by the free ride. Those who climb on board have paid in advance.”

Monday, November 19, 2018

Cruise Ship Fun


There were a number of reasons I refused to go on a cruise. That was, until last October when I found out about a themed cruise with one of my favorite TV show actors. Now that we're back from our first voyage to Cabo San Lucas, it's certain we'll be taking another one.

There was never a dull moment during our 6 day, 5 night trip. We walked the decks from one end of the ship to the other. Whenever we could, we took the stairs to burn off calories from the delicious meals in the Horizon Court, The Crown Grill - an upscale steakhouse and the Botticelli Dining Room. We visited the casino, Club Fusion for a frozen Margarita, dropped by the International Cafe to try some dreamy chocolate mousse, watched line dancing on the Lido Deck, and Zumba exercise classes at the pool. At the port, we boarded the tender ship to Cabo where we shopped for souvenirs in the quaint Mexican village.

The star of the Investigation Discovery TV Series, Homicide Hunter, Joe Kenda was featured at a number of events where he patiently greeted fans and signed autographs for his book, I Will Find You. For the Kenda Cruiser group, there were question and answer sessions with prizes, an off-shore lunch excursion in Cabo, and other activities aboard the ship.

Another Kenda Cruise is planned for next October from NY to Halifax Canada. Search #KendaCruise and Jim Seeley of VIP Tours Cruises and events on Facebook for details.


Beyond the celebrity events there were fun things to do like watch the theater production, Magic To Do, a delightful live musical. Grease and The Incredibles 2 movies were playing on the big screen under the stars. With all the food and exercise, we found ourselves too exhausted to stay up late enough to attend the disco party and costume party events.


To remain safe from illness, observe safe health standards such as disinfecting often touched objects like door handles, TV remotes, room telephones and bathroom shelves. Doing this provides an excellent chance of remaining healthy while cruising. Packets of disposable wipes and are highly recommended for frequent use as you travel about the ship. Or seek out the Purell dispensers when visiting at the buffet.


The food was amazing, the soft motion of the ship en route was calming, the entertainment and the joy of having cell phones off provided a much-needed break from workplace stress.

We truly came back refreshed and new again. We're already signed up for a future trip! Bon Voyage.


Tuesday, July 25, 2017

For the Good Times

The heartbreak isn't over but I'm beginning to see the light. I've never lost a best friend before. 

Yesterday I was measuring the refrigerator for a replacement. After eighteen years, the old one has finally given up on making things cold. All of a sudden, a magnet jumped off the side wall. When I fished it out from the narrow space between the counter and the appliance, I realized it was the magnet my best friend gave me many years ago. It seemed like a sign to me that she's still with me. I smiled for the first time since Friday when she passed away.

The magnet reminded me of the time at her house when I was raiding her refrigerator and slammed the door too hard. Her little ceramic angel magnet fell off and broke in two. The head rolled underneath and was lost in the dark kingdom of dust bunnies. She'd had to leave town unexpectedly, following the loss of her grandmother and my return flight was not changeable, so I waited alone to go home. I wrote her a short, sorrowful note of apology with an offer to buy her a new magnet to replace the one I ruined. She forgave me with no hesitation and the matter was closed.



My next trip to her house, I was amazed to find the angel magnet hanging proudly on the front of the refrigerator door. She'd found the lost piece and glued it back together. I carefully closed the door on the cold realm of leftovers and sodas and smiled.

My friend will never call me again. We will never walk on the beach looking for shells. Or watch the glorious beauty of sunset we like did so many times on our vacations together. Somehow, I cling to the hope that we are still together, even if separated by life and death, and that one day we will again walk along the shore in awe of God's handiwork.


Sunday, July 16, 2017

Banana Pudding with Homemade Custard

Sometimes I crave something that reminds me of summer and childhood. Years ago, we made this recipe with Nabisco Vanilla Wafers and Instant Banana Pudding.

These days, I prefer the taste of the homemade custard that takes only minutes to cook and the flavor alone makes up for the time invested. It's also easy cleanup as only one medium saucepan is needed.

There are 5 main ingredients needed other than bananas and vanilla wafers. Most of these items I keep on hand in my pantry.

Ingredients for the Custard

  • 1/2 cup granulated sugar - or use 12 packets of Stevia sweetener or Sucralose
  • 4 Tablespoons of powdered corn starch
  • 1/4 cup of Karo corn syrup
  • 2 egg yolks - It's easy to separate the yolks from the whites. See below.
  • 2 cups of whole milk - You can also substitute 2% milk.

After the pudding thickens add:

  • 1 Tablespoon butter
  • 1 Tablespoon vanilla extract or sometimes I use banana extract if I have it.
To prepare the dish you'll need

  • Vanilla wafers and two bananas.
The key to making delicious pudding or custard is in the attention to stirring. Plan to dedicate 15 minutes of your undivided attention to this. Constant stirring eliminates the need for a double boiler and keeps the pudding from scorching and sticking to the pan.

Instructions
Start with a heavy duty medium sized pan.

Measure out the sugar or sweetener right into the cold pan.

Add the corn starch and Karo syrup.




Separate the egg whites from the yolks by using a knife to crack the egg or strike it gently on a the edge of the counter.

Over a separate container, allow the egg white to drip through half of the shell.

Pour the egg yolk into the pan with the dry ingredients.


Pour about half a cup of the milk into the ingredients and stir with a whisk to form a paste.

Add the remaining milk and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly.

Set a timer for about 20 minutes. Depending on your stove, it takes from 15 - 20 minutes for the mixture to come to a boil. At the first sign of boiling, remove the pan from the heat and add the pat of butter and vanilla extract. Stir and allow to cool a bit while you prepare the dish.

Line a casserole dish with a layer of Vanilla Wafers. 
Slice the bananas over the wafers.
Pour the cooked pudding custard over the top.
End with another layer of bananas and finish with the custard. Sometimes I crumble a few Vanilla wafers over the top. 

Chill in the refrigerator for at least two hours and serve with whipped cream.

I hope you enjoy this family favorite dessert.

Monday, July 10, 2017

5 Hours in the Emergency Room

Sitting in the ER on the day before a holiday can be frustrating. Truth is, it can be frustrating anytime, any day. A visitor tends to notice the small, bothersome things, like debris on the floor or black scuff marks on the wheels of the gurney. The patient, on the other hand, notices only the delay in getting the proper care or pain medication that they are screaming for at the moment.

The constant bleeping noise of the blood pressure monitor, left running while the patient is taken to some mysterious location for CT Scans and Sonograms becomes the heartbeat of the room.

The wail of other emergency transport vehicles sounds loud as they echo down the deserted hallways, first a siren, later only flashing red and blue lights before the transport team makes their way past us to one of eighty rooms in the ER.

A lonely housekeeper pushes the hospital equivalent of a Swiffer down the linoleum tile. I almost asked when our room will be swabbed as well, but I didn't. Instead, I concentrated on the blaring volume of the TV where the soap opera plays its own version of drama. My companion, the patient's mother, stares without blinking at the screen catching up on her stories so she can relay updates to her daughter when she returns.

Minutes tick by on the clock in the room, the hands moving ever so slowly as we wait for some sort of results or decisions. After an hour, I go out in search of my missing friend.

"They said she'd only be gone a few minutes," I tell someone kind enough to stop.


"Oh, the techs have no idea how long it takes," the radiologist informs me as I'm pacing the halls under the x-ray sign. "I'll find out what happened to her." He asks her name again. I tell him.

At that moment, a door opens and they roll her back to the same location on the dirty floor of the ER room where it rested before. Someone else comes in the room with the same questions that have been answered a number of times. I wonder what is the point of entering data into the computer when no one can find it again.

The doctor on staff, who's substituting for the regular doctor who's on holiday, who is filling in for the patient's primary care physician, asks if my friend has an Advanced Directive and a Living Will. Although expected, this brings to light the severity of the situation and the possibilities of the outcome.


Five hours of staring at the photo on the wall opposite the ER room, the nurse finally tells us that a room assignment has been made. They roll the patient down the hall, with a brief stop in front of the nurses' station to add Dilaudid to the IV drip We follow the gurney through two buildings and up an elevator to the south wing on the fourth floor where we settle into an ice cold room, thankfully, a private room with a window, where the questions resume with a familiarity that is unnerving and redundant.

"What is your name and date of birth?"
"Do you have an Advanced Directive? A Living will?"
"What is your level of pain on a scale of one to ten. A ten?"
"What prescription pain medications do you take at home?"

An hour later, the shift changes and the night nurse comes in with the same list of questions. By now, we're preparing flash cards with the answers to save energy.

My friend is in Stage IV of Pancreatic cancer, unable to eat, barely able to walk, and each question answered requires serious effort at speaking. We turn the air conditioner setting warmer from 65 to a more pleasant 75 degrees, take our positions on the hard folding chairs provided and wait.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Beach Therapy Please

Tomorrow my best friend will face the hardest day of her life. She's scheduled for an appointment at the cancer center to find out what options she has.

Our days go way back in time, way back to working in a hair salon, sitting for our real estate exams, climbing the corporate ladder, each trying to be a good step-mother to our ex's only child. We've faced hardship and joy together over the decades and now, she faces the hardest times ahead.

I think of her comforting me during my darkest days and realize there's no comparison to what she must be going through. Even now, in these days of bad news, P.E.T. scans, emergency room visits, missed diagnoses and pain, she keeps reminding me that God is in control. She is assured that He will do what's best for her and help her get through whatever lies ahead.

The last time I saw her, I couldn't believe my eyes. She was thinner than I had ever seen her. She has always battled extra weight, up thirty pounds, down ten, up twenty, down five. Now, she tells me she weighs only a few pounds more than I do. Down a hundred.That's not necessarily a good thing.

We've shared a week together on the beach at her timeshare right on the Gulf nearly every September since 1988. The memories we made won't fit into any photo album. There are thousands of scenes in my mind, captured along the way. Seagulls soaring, dolphins swimming, surf roiling, Hurricane Gilbert, poolside chats, beach strolls, sangria toasts, apple strudel, Beach Boy Video and precious time together with no cell phone anywhere near.

We've spent thousands of hours sharing personal issues, dilemmas, new jobs, joy, unemployment, stories of our past lives and loves. She has truly been a sister to me and a genuine friend in thick and thin. Time for some beach therapy.

I'm thinking of her today and praying.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Corporate Obscurity

It was toward the end of a dozen years with a multi-billion dollar corporation that I found myself on a list of employees whose value to the company had come into question. The unfortunate group was assigned to a "special project," which may sound like something desirable that would distinguish or redeem us. Not so for the corporate professional whose contributing days had run their course.

Each of us knew this was a make or break situation. We were in the pool given a monumental task that we knew was destined for failure. There was minimal chance that when the task was completed that success would lead us to a new position within the company. We were living in limbo land.

There were participants from many departments of various levels, grades, and specialties, yet, despite our wins in the past, we now faced that dreaded outcome: "separation from the company" which would end our careers.
Still, most of us took on the responsibilities with chins held high, our stiff upper lips pursed into dogged expressions, and our noses planted firmly on the grindstone.

Our job was to inventory company assets scattered through the facilities of its outsourced transportation company and find discrepancies in the millions of dollars of equipment that had gone missing from the books. For the best part of five weeks, we traveled from city to city across the United States serving in the heat of blistering warehouses in Atlanta, Boston, New Jersey, Florida and other, more obscure towns.

The members of our team, for the most part, grew closer through our mutually shared yet unspoken knowledge of upcoming doom. Each of us hoped somehow to distinguish ourselves in some creative way and regain our misplaced importance to the corporate entity. Our futures depended on making the right impressions with those token "safe" employees who joined us from time to time to interject a sense of validity to our efforts. If only we could make the right connection, impress the holder of an open personnel requisition, perhaps befriend someone who could keep us afloat in a top-heavy, overburdened ship with excess cargo.

The rumors of upcoming layoffs floated among us in the evenings when we gathered for the dinner meal. Those were times when the most desperate tried their hardest to find a listening ear, to work out some deal to keep themselves on the payroll. Doomed alliances were pushed to the limit by intense competition for any safe place left within the organization.

As we toiled in our unaccustomed manual labor roles of the temporary assignment, we brushed elbows with Vice Presidents and departmental leaders whose objective during their brief tenure among us was assessment of team members.

As the hours, days and weeks passed, the stays at adequate but less than luxurious hotels continued. We sweated, washed our clothes in motel laundromats, ate take-out food, sang songs and whistled while we worked, and grew as close as our tenuous situation would allow. When we concluded our round-about inventory tour, our diverse team members returned to their respective home bases and awaited our fates.

To our immense surprise, the project was deemed an unqualified success. We located and documented millions of dollars of elusive inventory and turned our ill-fated mission around. Many were able to secure jobs in new areas within the company. Our assignment became a test of our adaptability to change. Those who were able to embrace the uncertainty and plow through were awarded a cash bonus and handed an engraved plaque of recognition by the Senior Vice President.

It was a memorable moment in the trial by fire of the corporate worker.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

5 Things to Make a Trip to the Emergency Room Easier


When the phone rang at ten pm on a Sunday night, a quavery voice said, "We've had a little accident over here." These few words can send the adrenaline pumping. The first time we got that call, we rushed over to check on Mom who said she'd fallen. She'd crawled from her living room to the bedroom to use the only working phone. The other one broke with her fall. We wondered if we should call an ambulance or just drive her to the hospital to get checked out. We made the wrong decision.

We learned the hard way that it's dangerous to move or transport an injured person. Worse, when we arrived at the emergency room there was a long wait behind others who either looked worse or had arrived by medical transport. She spent a couple of uncomfortable hours on a hard xray table before the doctor arrived at the small town hospital. Mom was admitted with a broken hip.
Another call came on the morning of New Year's Eve before seven am. Mom asked for help getting a shower explaining that she had fallen during the night. She lay on the bathroom floor until morning. The tone of her voice indicated something was very wrong. I should have called an ambulance immediately. Instead, we bundled her up against the January cold and drove her to the emergency room. Again, bad move. The hospital was operating with a skeleton crew due to the holiday. We waited in the ER eight long hours surrounded by patients who were coughing, sneezing or vomiting.
During that time, the staff would not allow Mom to have even an ice chip until the doctor examined her. When her name was finally called, the doctor launched into a lecture about the patient being seriously dehydrated and running a fever. Imagine our response.
When the time comes to go to the hospital, the arriving paramedics will ask about the patient's  medications, their allergies, and medical history before the current emergency. 
Emergency Go Bag
Ambulance drivers want to take the patient's insurance and identification cards with them on the way to the hospital. Giving them a photocopy can avoid the loss of the patient's original cards. Gathering copies of all this info in one place ahead of time can help reduce some of the stress. 
  1. Make a copy of the patient's Medical Insurance Card, front and back. It has the phone number, policy and member's identification number. Put the copy into a Go Bag dedicated for emergencies.
  2. While at the doctor before an emergency grab two of their business cards; one for your wallet and one for the Go Bag.
  3. Create a list of other important phone numbers in case your cell phone battery dies during the wait. You'll want the numbers for their doctors, their minister, out-of-town relatives, friends and neighbors who might be concerned.
  4. Make a list of prescription medications showing the exact dosages and the frequency taken. 
  5. Add a list of known allergies or reactions to medication taken in the past and a list of over-the-counter medicines taken routinely.
When my husband went to the hospital for surgery, he was taking a lot of prescription medications. Rather than try to remember them, we made a list of each medication, its exact strength and dosage frequency. Several printed copies of this list went into the Go Bag. The admissions staff, nurses and doctors were grateful not to have to write it all down by hand. For example:

It's often necessary to provide info about previous hospital stays and the outcome, and whether the patient was admitted, along with a list of all surgeries the patient has undergone.
  • Prepare a List of previous surgeries, the types and the dates, such as,  Appendectomy - 1975; Left Hip, Replacement Surgery - 1991
It's a good idea to ask the patient for this information ahead of time. If they're confused or possibly unconscious you'll have the list available.


Most of the following items are optional for the Go Bag, but they're handy and easy to pick up at the dollar store.
  1. A small tablet for notes and instructions once the doctor arrives.
  2. A good book for long waits at the hospital and to avoid the germ laden, out-of-date magazines in the waiting room.
  3. Bottled water and packaged crackers or cookies. When your wait is long you'll be glad you have this. It never fails, if you leave the room for a minute to go to the cafeteria, that's when a medical person comes in with an update.
  4. Cup of instant soup or protein bars.
  5. Wet wipes and travel size hand sanitizer.
  6. Tissues for tears or runny noses.
  7. A new toothbrush and travel size toothpaste. This is for you.
  8. Packets of sugar or artificial sweetener, salt, pepper, and plastic spoons. Sometimes a vending machine has food but there are no utensils or condiments available.
  9. A clean pair of cotton socks to wear in those cold waiting rooms at the hospital.
If you drive your friend to the hospital, bring along any medical equipment they use. When Dad became critically ill after chemo, he refused to go in the ambulance. We drove him to the emergency room and in our haste, left his portable oxygen at home. The ER was overflowing and he had a dreadfully long wait before they finally admitted him to intensive care. Every gasping breath without his oxygen was a nightmare.

If your friend is admitted and you want to talk with the attending doctor,  sometimes they make their rounds near midnight so you could be waiting a while. Once you've invested hours waiting for X-rays, blood work and other stuff, you'll want to know what's going on.

In the hopeful possibility that your senior is not admitted, you'll want to bring their walker or wheelchair when you follow the ambulance to the hospital. They'll need these when they're released. One final tip just in case you lose the ambulance you're following. Ask the paramedics where they're taking the patient so you'll arrive at the right hospital.

Taking a few moments to assemble a few items into a Go Bag can reduce some of the anxiety that goes with any trip to the hospital. The best hope is that you won't ever need to use it.

Monday, February 27, 2017

On Becoming Your Parent's Guardian - Role Reversal


When our parents seek help on small tasks they've easily handled in the past, it can come as a surprise. The indecision creeps in slowly on little cat's feet starting with hesitation over making minor decisions about things they've handled effectively for years.

My mother asked, "How much rice goes in the pot and how long should I cook it?" I gently reminded her that she'd cooked rice for many more years than I had.

Small tasks became more difficult as time passed. In a way, being asked for advice from a parent was flattering. What I didn't know was that the tide had begun to turn; the child was becoming the parent one small step at a time.
Things went along smoothly as our new relationship emerged. I became more of an equal to someone who had always shown authority and control. This awesome responsibility is not to be taken lightly. It arrives with its own baggage, setbacks and joy. Friends my own age shared they'd been called upon to provide direction and advice to parents.
My best friend shared the frustration of trying to persuade her mother to use her supplemental oxygen like she's supposed to. Another friend had difficulty convincing her mother to  use the hearing aide she clearly needed and mentioned the frustration of having to repeat herself. How familiar it seemed to be interrupted mid-sentence by someone who once said, "Not now, Mother is speaking." But the shoe is on the other foot now.
Aunt Lou at 94
A stay-at-home mom of the fifties, my mother began her mid-life career with practically non-existent employment experience. She left nurse's training to get married in 1945. After her thirty year marriage ended, she took vocational training and embarked on a career as a Certified Nurse Assistant at the age of fifty.
Suddenly she asked for advice on dating, grocery shopping and apartment hunting, advice she'd provided me in the past. Mom's new life as a single, sole-provider spanned the next thirty years. Her experience of taking a job outside the home added skills, confidence and a sense of accomplishment. On her eightieth birthday, she officially retired from a second career as a Teacher's aide.
Reality struck when Mom went into the hospital for a month. Although I'd always been a co-signer on her checking account, it became my job to manage her bill paying. Looking over her checkbook register revealed a level of forgetfulness. There were unpaid insurance bills and past due notices tucked away in drawers.  Thankfully, Mom was glad to be rid of the responsibilities of balancing the bank account and paying the bills.
Driving soon became another challenge when she reached her eighties. With diminished reflexes and increased fragility, it was no longer safe for her to be behind the wheel. She no longer felt confident on the road anymore. It is the opposite of the day we first got behind the wheel of a car in our teens, a life-altering decision which makes a senior dependent on others for their basic needs to get to doctors' appointments, pick up groceries, or even visit a neighbor.

What a relief it was when she turned her car keys over without being asked. Not everyone is that practical when the time comes to stop driving and this can be a source of friction for concerned relatives.


The two sisters, well into their 90s, still functioned independently in so many important ways although living in a  skilled nursing home due to health, vision, hearing and memory impairments.

One thing remains certain in our relationship. It is the unshakable friendship of my Mom, my true friend. She is a blessing and reminds me in so many ways that I'm the lucky one. They both make me proud